


Heavy hearts

by takeyoursweettime



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers - Freeform, Character building, Emotional, F/M, Feels, Fighting, Flirting, Gay Sex, Love, M/M, Male Solo, Multiple chapters, Slow Build, Stony - Freeform, Virginity, Work In Progress, lel, losing virginity, slow build up, sorry it's shit, steve and other woman, steve and tony build up, virginal steve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-03-31 10:40:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3975049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeyoursweettime/pseuds/takeyoursweettime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Very slow build up. First chapter has no relationship. A long build up of tony and steve post age of Ultron. It will basically be Tony has dream about steve and doesnt understand why. Kissed steve when drunk. Steve is grossed out. Eventually steve falls for tony. Steve dates other women to get rid of the feeling and Tony is in a relationship. Eventually they get together but a photo of them gets leaked, and steve is made to date others and eventually finds a nice woman..but stony prevails</p><p> Its better than this, I promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Movie night

**Author's Note:**

> Its a work in progress. Im not sure of the end but as i progress and update i'll find a nice ending. Will roughly be 6-9 chapters. first one is a build up. I promise it'll get good, i just like establishing stuff. Please subscribe and keep reading! Thanks! I'm kind of going on a journey and letting my mind do it's thing in the moment. 
> 
> ITS MY FIRST TIME AND IF YOU COULD COMMENT IF YOU LIKED IT THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. I DON'T WANT TO WRITE STORIES IF PEOPLE ACTUALLY DON'T LIKE THEM HAHA  
> ENJOY!

Movie night. The only time of the week when the "avengers" somewhat got along. Despite the disputes over the choice of movie, and the constant pausing of it, due to Bruces lack of control over his bladder when he decides to pop open his celebratory savion Blanche collection- Bruces perfect idea of celebrating. Mostly because he didn't particular enjoy the company of complete strangers and the offensive smell of beer when they decided to start a conversation with him. A nice controlled night, with minimal chance of hulking out was the perfect kind of evening for him.

The couches in the living room had been moved over and over until each person had their ideal view of the TV. The living room, now looking like a maze of white was ready. They piled In one by one, cringing and covering their face as the intrusive rays of light shone through the perfectly clear windows.

Bruce and Natasha sat together on the double lounge closest to the entrance, for a quick getaway. A small table in front of them, with snacks and of course, a bottle of wine and two overly nice sized wine glasses.

Thor, by demand sat on the other side of the room, taking the brown double seater couch. Tony had specifically brought this couch for him after their first movie night, when Thor decided that the bag of salt and vinegar chips, cheese, and chocolate that he hogged and took all to willingly when the others decided they needed a break from eating- didn't in fact belong In his mouth, but instead, on the couch. That night inevitably Ruined Tony's custom made couch.

He wouldn't have let him on it in the first place, but when Thor, Son of Oden decides he wants something, he becomes quite stubborn and arrogant, and of course cheeky. Thor ended the "argument" by placing his hammer in the middle of the couch. Of course, now Tony could not sit down, and if he chose to do so, he would have been uncomfortable. So, he generously decided to give Thor the spot. Making sure next time, he had a couch in which Thor, King of RUINING EVERYTHING TONY LOVES, could sit comfortably.

Clint had brought his trusty blanket, a gift from his last visit home. Walking Into the middle of the room he spread the blanket out, and sat, knees crossed, closest to the TV.

"That popcorn smells awesome" Clint exclaimed, twisting his body and looking over his head, as Steve strode in the door.

Steve was dressed in his black slacks and baggy flannel shirt, opened, revealing his black Fury shirt- a thoughtful present from all of them. Steve wore It whenever he could and did a surprisingly good job at making sure his "take the piss" present seem greatly appreciated, and hardly embarrassing.

Bruce, moving his arm from behind Natasha waved his hand around frantically.

"Where's mine?"

Clint, backing him up nodded and began waving his arms around like like a goose too. Complaining like 3 year olds. Thor's voice bellowed over them both.

"Ah my friend, why don't you come and take a seat near me tonight." He said, tapping at the spare room on the couch.

Dust, and small pieces of food bouncing all over the place as he quickly tried brushing them off to make it look more appealing, giving him his enthusiastic puppy dog face, in hope that he might actually think he genuinely wants his company, not just his popcorn.

Steve waved his hand dismissively, smiling apologetically. Thor huffed, and positioned himself again. Sprawling out over the both seats. Bruce gave up and shook his head, turning his attention back to Natasha, who was playing her new kick ass game on the Ipad.  
Bruce leaned over, sticking his face near the device to get a better look. Natasha shifted, adjusting her posture and moving the device closer to her face. Bruce followed.

"Which one are you?"Looking at the black stick figures run frantically up and down levels, depicted by other black thin lines.

"The one running" she said frustrated as one of the stick figures began round house kicking another.

Natasha sat up immediately, knocking Bruce's head off of her shoulder in the process. Her fingers tapping at super speed.

"OH COME ON!" Natasha yelled as the "game over" voice sounded on the game.

Clicking the off button immediately she tossed it on the table in front of her, grabbing the glass of wine and filling it. She closed her eyes taking a big swig of it meanwhile letting her body falling back into the couch. Complete silence followed. As Bruce sat still, and out of reach of hitting distance, looking helplessly at Thor, Clint and Steve, who were trying desperately not to laugh at the situation.

She opened her eyes letting her frustration out in her tone of voice.

"Where's Tony? Can't we just get this stupid movie started. What are we even watching anyway! If we are watching one of those stupid romance movies, I'm seriously going to throw up."

"Aye what are we watching." Thor said.

They all looked around at each other, quizzically.

"Whose turn was it? Wasn't it Steves?" Said Clint.

"No it isn't mine." Steve said as he shook his head.

They all stopped at once. "it's Tony's turn isn't it?" Bruce whimpered.

The sound of unenthusiastic groans and pleads filled the large space.  
As thunderous grumbles escaped Thor's throat, and cries of pain and sadness escaped from everyone else, Tony walked through the door. A DVD in one hand, and a large plastic bowl of triple butter popcorn in the other.

"I'm glad you all are missing me. Don't worry. I'm back to save the day with a good old fashioned horror movie!" He said, proudly holding the DVD up in the air.

The groans got louder.

"Tony, no. No one wants to watch it." said Steve, over the loud moans and groans.

"Oh. Come on! It's a classic."

"And I'm sure its completely appropriate." Steve said, slight sarcasm lingering in the words.

"Of course. I promise. There's only like one. Maybe 2 boob scenes."

"That's not an appropriate pick. I'm not going to sit here and watch a stupid horror movie, with women showing themselves off like that. And I'm sure no one else wants to watch it." He said, pinching the top of his nose as he shook his head.

Tony inserted the disk into the DVD player. His voice changing to a stern, annoyed one. "Well leave then."

They all shifted "Tony!" They exclaimed.

"What?" Tony said, in a higher tone.

"Captain virgin over there is clearly too scared to watch horror films. I know it. And god forbid he see a naked woman on the screen, knowingly!" he said standing up, holding his arm out in the direction of Steve.

"SHUT UP." They yelled in unison.

"We are watching it. It's my night. It's my pick. If i have to sit through your bullshit, sad, movies, you can sit through mine." he said walking over to the one seated leather chair in the middle, furthest back.

"JARVIS. Start the movie." He said as he turned and sat in his chair, one leg crossed over the other.

As the lights dimmed, and the movie started, the whispers came to a halt as they all sat in silence watching the poor woman on the screen running across the dark meadow, falling to the ground and screaming as spurts of blood appeared on the screen left, right and center.

Bruce's leg began tapping 30 minutes in. moving up and down like a jack hammer. Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Just go" she whispered to him.

"No. I can keep it in."

5 more minutes passed before the sound of Bruce's desperate voice broke the silence.

"pause! pause! Jarvis pause the movie." Bruce stood up, rushing awkwardly out of the room.

The groan and grumbles returned.

"Always!" Tony said, irritably.

"He can't help it." Steve replied.

"Just like you cant help being annoying." he snapped back.

Steve screwed up his face and turned his attention back to the paused image on the screen.

"Yeah.. Captain America. Fears of not being able to live up to his flawless reputation once again, and avoids any confrontation. Typical."

"I'm not scared of that. I'm not scared of anything. Thats kind of my job."

"Everyone's scared of something." Clint said, interrupting their conversation, turning to face Steve.

"Yeah. Pissing off Fury." Natasha giggled.

"Ha. Ha." Clint snapped back, mimicking her snickering."I mean... I am a man. And this job... I mean, this whole risking my life every time I step foot out of the house business."

He pauses, a sense of sadness washing over his face.

"I never know. I have my family to think about. And constantly I have to think to myself that they rarely see me, and it kills them. I haven't even had time to watch my kid grow. If. If. If i didn't come back... If i died. It scares me. What kind of father am i right now? I'm rarely there for him. I wouldnt be any better if i was dead." Clint shook his head, taking a deep breath and recomposing himself.

Bruce had re entered the space, and was sitting down quietly, making sure he didnt disturb Clint's story.

"If its any consolation. I'm scared of changing. I'm scared of my strength. But you all know that."

"You are quite the beast, Bruce." Thor said, swinging his legs off of the couch, and sitting up.

"I wonder to this day whether I am truly fit to rule. I have proven I'm worthy, but i still can never guarantee the safety of my people. The peace between Asgard and the other realms"

Tony, sitting quietly, rolled his eyes of boredom. Picking up the remote and switching the movie off, knowing full well, that this conversation was going to take the whole night. He took out his device, and began scrolling through his list of emails- that he puts on hold, for boring moments in his usually busy life.

Natasha piped up, sitting up slowly.

"Come on Rogers. Spill. What is the great Captain America scared of?"

Steve frowned at the intrusive question. Steve didn't like questions. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, thinking for a moment.

"I. I guess I'm not really scared. I guess I'm..."

He hesitated, looking up to the curious gaze of everyone. He had not anticipated that answering such a personal question would be such a struggle. Finally, after a minute of silence, sound escaped his lips, and before long, Steve was blurting out things he didn't even realize he had wanted. Things he didn't realize had effected him.

"I sometimes wonder if maybe i should have just left it alone. Been selfish and not joined the army. Not taken the serum. I could have lived my life."

Clints previous sadness had now appeared completely unexpectedly on Steve's usually composed face.

"I could have had a life. Peggy and I. I could have made her happy. We could have had a family. I could have come home and kissed her everyday. Watched, as her face became more beautiful each day. Memorized every new line and wrinkle that appeared that she would have hated."

He let out a short laugh.

"And complained about, and I would have loved them; loved her face more each day, because to me, each line was just another part for me to love and cherish. One more line that showed she had and was still living a full, happy life, not worrying about my death."

A sad, nostalgic ambiance appeared in the room. As they all stared, shocked and weirdly sympathetically at a usually positive, composed Steve Rogers. No one moving, no one speaking; scared that they might throw him off, and he will cut his story short.

Tony, who had expressed his boredom to back stories previously had stopped dead. His finger dangling over the reply button on his phone, staring, wide eyed too as Steve continued.

"I look at where I am now. Captain America posters. Captain America and the Avengers. Captain America a role model. A great creation. Captain this and captain that. The boy who defied the odds."

He slouched down in his seat, staring at the floor.

"The skinny boy from Brooklyn who couldn't run away from a fight, who so desperately wanted to join the army. Who so desperately wanted to prove himself, prove that he was worthy of something. A kid from the 1940's who blended in. Who had made a name for himself. Who people knew and sometimes payed attention to."

Using the chairs armrests he pulled himself up slowly, putting his hands in the slacks pockets and making his way to the glass. Looking over at the city, which seems so large with it's towering steel buildings, yet now from where Steve stood was nothing more than a minuscule spot of shimmering lights in the distance.

"The boy who should have stayed in the 1900's, who should have died. I don't belong here."

Through the squeaky clean glass, the lights angle reflected Steve's regret ridden expression. He had come so far. He couldn't stop now.

With each confession, the pressure in the pit of his stomach, which usually roared with anger dissolved little by little.

" I see the publicity and the people. I hear them calling out my name. Captain America. Captain America."

He sighed, clenching his fists as the sudden rush of anger pulsed though his body.

"They know captain America. They don't know my name. They don't know it. They don't know Steve Rogers. They don't know me!"

His tone turned to disbelief.

"I hardly know myself anymore."

He stopped mid sentence. Realizing he had not answered the question. Feeling a little embarrassed, his cheeks flushed crimson. He turned around slowly to see them all, leaning in listening word for word. Astonished at the person they were seeing.

  
" I. I am sorry." He stuttered.

"That was not what you had asked. I guess, my biggest fear is that I don't know where... where.. Bucky is."He blurted out.

"He was doomed to my fate. And i didn't know. I should have gone back and saved him. And now, he has been corrupted. And I don't know where he is, and if they ever got to him again.. corrupted him more-i -I don--"

Tony's voice trampled over top of Steve's next words.

"Out of all the things to be scared of, you are scared for someone else. TYPICAL!"

The silence had been snatched out from underneath everyone. They looked around in confusion. Steve's face turned to one of disgust.

"Excuse me?"

"Your fear about someone elses safety. Of course. You wanna know why no one calls you Steve? Maybe." Shrugging his shoulders, " maybe it's because you only act like Captain America."

"Yeah. I guess not all of us want to be Tony Stark's in our life. I mean i don't know if i could handle that much arrogance. I think there's a limit, but you should be the one to talk. You have always defied the odds, Stark. I guess there's no limit to your arrogance."

  
"It seems to be working pretty fine so far, wouldn't you agree?" he said bitterly, gesturing to his surroundings.

  
"Howard wouldn't have wanted you to be like this. He would have thought the same. You should have been more like him" Steve said, in his authoritative Captain voice.

Tony's expression changed instantly. His body tensing at the words. His blood boiling at the comparison to his father. He stood up quickly, pushing the chair back at the sudden, harsh movement. Pointing his finger in Steve's direction.

"DON'T. YOU. EVER. COMPARE ME TO MY FATHER." his voice was harsh.

"Compare you to Howard? I would never compare you to the man that created me and created you."

  
"Created you. An undeserving stuck up BOY, who was the reason my father couldn't love me that way he needed to."

His voice was breaking quickly, with the harsh memories the topic brought with it.

"That is not my fault." Steve said defensively.

"What help were you anyway. You were frozen for most of it! He should have just given up."

Steve's composure broke. His face screwed up, revealing a vein on his head. Every inch of his body was clenched.

"BECAUSE I SAVED MORE THAN 400 PEOPLE. BECAUSE I RISKED EVERYTHING FOR THE SAFETY OF OTHERS. Bucky and Peggy. I RISKED MY LIFE"

Steve had not realized he was screaming, until he saw the expression on everyone's face as the leaned away, warily from him.  
Steve fixed his defensive stance, and composed himself. Taking one last look at them, he walked past them, ignoring their existence and headed down the hall swiftly, leaving behind a room of confused superheros.

No one was willing to break the silence. No one game enough to talk to a Post-Howard conversation Tony.

They stared at each for what seemed like a lifetime before Thor's thunderous voice, broke the silence once more.  
"I guess that's it for movie night then."


	2. drunk nights with an irresistible playboy millionaire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So second chapter and Tony and Steve make amends. Tony has a dream and is a little grossed out. Weeks later, at a party theyre hosting, Tony get blind drunk and kissed Steve, and that disgusts him.  
> Thor leaves for home, while steve is in the room after the incident. Tony parties to 4:30 and then goes to bed and passes out, thinking about what happened..
> 
> I dunno it's still early days. its gonna be a long story. I may have fortnightly updates, or weekly or maybe even daily depending on the chapter i am writing.

Tony laid, sprawled out on his bed in the dark. Black swirls and shapes forming in front of him. The house was silent, except for the occasional humming of crickets and the crash of the water hitting the island. They normally wouldn't stay at Tony's house, but Fury had made a mess of the new Avengers quarters with all his new recruits and training sessions. Tony rolled over, the feel of his heart beat pounding through his body. Why? he thought. Why wasn't I good enough for Howard? _Steve fucking Rogers. Captain fucking perfect, America. Always winning peoples hearts._

Tony's past came flooding back.

_Christmas Day. The snow had began falling heavier around this time of year. Layering the house in a nice thick blanket of Snow, fogging up the windows with it's nasty chill. Inside however, near the fireplace, red and orange embers flicking gracefully, was warm.The room was small, filled with photo frames of Howard with all his inventions._

_Tony sat near the fire.The shadows from the fire crept closer, brightly lighting up the floor in front of him. Beside him sat his mother, and the woman helper, Mads. Tony had never been able to pronounce her name properly, and opted for calling her Mads instead. It stuck. Mads and his mother sat either side, watching as a smiling Tony ripped open his Santa covered wrapping paper, revealing a large box._

_He looked up at them both. Nodding eagerly at him, he took off the lid. Inside the large box was thousands of coloured building blocks. He looked up, ecstatic, to see his father, Howard. Sitting on the opposite side of the room, one leg crossed over another, finger over his lip, and a glass of hard liquor in the other hand. He sat still, his face glistened from the light hitting his sweaty, sleep deprived face. He did not look at Tony. He simply sat, looking at the ground. He was there physically, but once again his mind failed to stay in the moment. Lost in complete thought. Howard stared into space._

_"Dad look!" Tony said over and over as he began taking out the blocks, a handful at a time._

_Howard's eyes shifted to look at Tony. He grunted._

_"Howard. Isn't it wonderful. I thought you and Tony could maybe start building some things. Show him some ways of designing." His mother said softly, a hint of desperation lingering in her words._

_Howard shifted in his chair, looking up at them all, staring at him._

_"Yes. Right. It's fantastic."_

_Without another word Howard stood up, clearing his throat and strode out of the room. His mother sighed rubbing her eyes. Standing up and giving his head a light tap, before hurrying after Howard._

_Mads reached around so Tony's face was aligned with hers. He looked at her. His face full of enthusiasm and unconditional love._

_"I really like them Mads. Do you think dad will play with me?" Mads smiled sadly. Not wanting to make empty promises._

_"Merry Christmas, Tony." she said sweetly, before collecting her present from beside her and walking out to resume her duties._

Tony rolled over, face down, feeling the sleek silk beneath him.

_A large room, with desks piled with paper. Discarded weapon plans and tax files. The room looked like a bomb shelter. Howard had let his workshop go. A young hopefully Tony stood in the doorway of the large, messy room. Howard was sitting, back towards Tony. He was slouched, hands on his head. He looked frustrated._

_"Dad?" Tony said quietly._

_Howard did not flinch. His body stayed as still as a statue._

_"Dad." he took two steps inside the cold space. Howard ignored his existence._

_Tony, fixing his posture, put on a brave face and walked over to the desk. He looked broken. Like a sad, broken toy in which usually Howard would typically opt to fix. Why can't he fix himself? Why is he like this? Whats wrong? Millions of questions invaded Tony's young, innocent thoughts. He reeked of alcohol and smokes was a re occurring one._

_"Look what I made?" He said placing the small plastic robot he'd built out of his new present on the desk in front of Howard. He fiddled with his creation proudly, admiring it._

_Howard stood up suddenly, towering over Tony. He was drunk, swaying occasionally. He took the colourful robot, fiddling with it, examining it from top to bottom. Tony stood, scared, looking up at him through his eyelashes. In a split second Tony's slight hope crumbled as Howard ripped the robot apart. With each rip, Tony cringed deepened. Until finally, he had deconstructed it, disposing of it on the floor into a pile of coloruful mess._

_"I'm gonna tell you the truth. And it's going to stay with you through out life, son." He said, slicking back his greasy, unwashed hair._

_"Life's shit and in a split second the things you loved; the things you worked hard for get broken and destroyed. No one gives a shit about how much time you invest. Everything breaks and everything you worked for disappears eventually. And the sooner you learn that son, and stop trying to be like me, the better off you'll be. Now stop being naive. You'll never be like me. You don't want to." His voice was broken. He turned on his heels and stumbled out of the room._

_"A son like steve... Is that too much to want" he mumbled to himself._

_Tony was left standing alone once again in the cluttered room with his confused thoughts._

Wiping the single tear from the corner of the eye, he Put on his slippers and ventured out of his room.

The kitchen was clean. Bruce had obviously stayed behind after the events of last night and took the liberty of cleaning up. Fridge. yes that's what i need. Food. Tony rushed across the cold, shinning white tiles to the stainless steel fridge. Tony stood, hunched over looking at the contents on the fridge. Bacon. Bacon. More bacon. Butter. meat. Ah! Milk.

Tony collected the 1 kg box of cheerios. A quick and easy snack. Tony's favourite kind of meal.He filled the large bowl halfway with the small breakfast loops, and pushed it to the top with a large amount of milk. Looking at it hungrily, he collected a spoon and made his way to the bench stools. He didn't stop to breathe. One spoonful after the other. This was definitely what he needed. His good old companion; food.

Tony was too lost in the satisfying feeling of filling his growling stomach to realise, that Steve too had apparently woken early, and had taken residence in the dining room. Tony's body jolted when he looked up to see Steve standing in front of him. Giving him an unwelcome look, he continued looking at his cereal. "I- I apologise for last night. It was wrong of me to bring up that." Tony paused- mid chew, looking everywhere but at Steve.

"Tony." He said in a stern voice.

"I just want to make sure you're okay."

Awkward silence filled the space. Steve waited in hope Tony might say something. Hoping that by making the apology he could find some closure and forgive himself for being such. such an... ass. bowing his head in defeat, Steve walked away, feeling worse than when he'd come in.

"Im sorry too." Tony mumbled just loud enough for Steve to hear. "I guess."

Steve looked back over his shoulder to see Tony. Their eyes met. Steve smiled his short sweet grin before turning back and disappearing out of the kitchen.

That night, as Tony slept like a baby, he dreamed of many thing. He dreamed of Ultron, Loki and all the usual things. But what became of his thoughts, was not expected at all. Tony was dreaming of his encounter early in the day with Steve. The way his smile had looked when he genuinely was happy to hear him reply. The broken Steve, talking to them and opening up. The vulnerability. The sadness. He was just like Tony. A broken man.

Tony awoke that morning, feeling refreshed, and oddly calm. Did he just dream about Steve rogers? Tony Stark, play boy multimillionaire had indeed dreamed of the flawless Steve Rogers, and his new found soft side. Tony sat up. A little scared of dreaming solely about Steve. That wasn't right. That was actually kind of... disgusting. He reached over to his night stand taking the glass of water on it, and taking a generous sip.

"Jarvis. light." he said, in his croaky morning voice.

Tony swung his legs off the bed, and headed towards the bathroom. Fiddling with the nobs on the shower until the water hitting the top of his hand was the perfect temperature. At last he tough when the water was just right, stepping onto the cold tiles of the shower, and into the warm water letting the warmth engulf him, as he felt his body relax from head to toe. His mind flickered back to his dreams. Still a little queasy about it. He finally pushed the thought out and let the water consume him.

Weeks had past since the incident. The group had unanoymously decided to put movie night on hold. Things had gone back to normal- well as normal as life could get for famous superheros. And sure, If normal meant throwing an enormous party on a Saturday night then yeah. Everything was normal.

Tony stood in front of the lengthy mirror. He was wearing his favourite black suit. He normally wouldnt wear it, as it's not his style. But tonight felt special. Tonight, felt like the night to go all out. Fixing up his matching black bow tie he looked at his reflection in the mirror. "You do clean up pretty well Stark." He thought to himself.

"Jarvis!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Tell me i look pretty." He said slicking his hair back.

Mr Stark, the cocky play boy had come out to play tonight.

"Truly fabulous, sir" Jarvis said sarcastically.

Smiling to himself, he picked up his watch. A Christmas gift from Bruce and Natasha. Of course he could have brought one just like it, if not something better. But it's the thought that made it Tony's favourite watch. Tony made his way down the hallway putting on his best smoldering face as he stepped foot into the room of business partners, strangers and gorgeous women. A few greeting later, and Tony had dedicated his night to emptying the bottles of liquor the guests had brought as a thank you gift.

12 o'clock. The party had been going for 4 hours, resulting in one drunk Tony Stark. Tony laughed, telling his best dirty jokes to his usually stuck up grey haired, clean shaven business partners. Putting the glass to his mouth, he sipped dry air. He hadn't realised he had finished another glass. He looked disappointed. Excusing himself from the crowed of testosterone and making his way over the bar, where Steve stood, dressed in a grey suit that Tony had brought him a while back for another occasion- he normally wouldn't buy clothes for people, especially not the Steve Rogers kind of people, but Steve's fashion sense of jeans and a novelty shirt for a strictly black tie event was not going to work.

Steve planted a hand on Tony's shoulder as he stumbled over to the bench, sitting his glass down a little to forcefully.

"Ah Rogers. How's the anti social life going? You and all your friends over here look like you're having a pretty good time." Tony laughed at himself.

"At least I can walk." He said squeezing Tony's shoulder.

Tony felt a sudden lump appear in his throat. His body tingled beneath Steve's touch. He stilled, half drunk and half confused. Steve noticed Tony's body stiffen under his touch. He moved his hand quickly.

"You okay?" Steve sounded worried.

Tony looked up at Steve, who watching him intently, making sure he was okay.

"You with me, Tony?"

Tony couldn't move. Every muscle in his body tightened and the fact he had consumed more alcohol than he would have liked to admit didn't help. Steve moved in front of Tony, grabbing his head between both of his hands. Tony's thoughts went crazy. _His hands are so strong._

"Tony." Steve said again. Tilting his head up and down, back and forward in his hands, examining Tony.

"Do I need to call an ambulance?" Steve said, worried and confused.

He had never had to deal with a drunk Tony stark before. Tony snapped out of it, and his body finally let him move. Looking up into the calming blue eyes of Steve Rogers.

"Yes. Yeah. I am fine." Tony grumbled as he moved his head out of Steve's grasps.

"You really shouldn't drink so much."

Tony couldn't help what followed. Looking at Steve's worried face. His _perfectly_ structured face. His lips, were baby pink, they looked so sweet; So soft.

Tony lashed out, grabbing Steve's face between his hands and kissing him hard. Feeling the warmth of his lips against his. Steve immediately tensed, instinctively placing the palms of his hands firmly against tony's shoulders, and pushing Tony back, making him stumble all over the place.

Steve stared in horror as Tony wiped his mouth, looking around confused and drunk. Steve did the same; Wiping his bottom lip with his thumb. Tony's kiss had left a bad taste of alcohol lingering on his lips. He stood, mortified. He understood Tony was drunk _but this_. _This_ was too far.

Becoming aware of his surroundings, Tony braced himself and made eye contact with Steve.

"I don't know what that was--" Tony said apologetically.

Steve fixed his attire, straightening out his now crinkled suit, and recomposed himself. That was enough partying for Steve tonight. He collected his mobile from the bar and turned, leaving the room, making sure he didn't make any eye contact with anyone, knowing that if he did, he would be stuck in the room-The last place on earth he wanted to be right now- for another good hour or so.

Tony didn't let the incident ruin his night. He too, fixed himself up, and returned with a full glass to the business men, who stood around, now with tall beautiful women hanging off them. They were wearing clothes they obviously hadn't brought themselves. Tony wasn't one to judge. They looked good. He'd give them that.

As three o'clock rolled around, Steve stayed awake in his room. Sitting on the edge of the bed reading his favourite book- of course after he brushed his teeth and washed his face. He was still on edge from earlier. His room was quiet. Steve was thankful for this. The loud chaotic parties were fun for a while. But what Steve really enjoyed was the peace and quiet.

A soft knock on the door startled him.

"Ah" he hesitated, closing his book slowly. "Come in?"

Steve let out a sigh of relief when hes saw Thor standing in his doorway, dressed in his armor.His red cape standing out from the rest of the dull white, room.

"Are you okay my friend?" Thor sounded surprised

"Ah. Yes. Of course." Steve said, slightly jittery.

"Just thought it was going to be someone else."

"Oh, I'm sorry. were you expecting someone else?" he said apologetically.

Steve laughed, his fake laugh. "No. I-ah-was just getting ready to go to bed actually."

Thor nodded. He could see Steve clearly wasn't in the mood to talk. "I will be returning to Asgard tomorrow. I have informed the others. I feared you may think bad of me if I didn't come and say goodbye."

Steve was oddly touched. "Well, thanks." he smiled, genuinely this time.

With that, Thor stood, making sure not to hover. They nodded once to each other as a mutual goodbye and Steve stood up placing his book on his night stand. By the time Steve had turned around, Thor was long gone. Pulling back the single sheet on the bed, Steve slid in, and turned off the lamp.

It was 4:30 when an obliterated Tony stark fell into his room. Picking himself, he stumbled and collapsed onto his bed.

"Ja-jarvis" He said

"Have a good night, Mr Stark?" Jarvis replied.

"yeeees." Tony answered.

Tony was too drunk to move, he left his shoes and socks on, and laid on the bed. staring into the dark. His head thumping, and a growing urge to vomit growing in the pit of his stomach. he lay staring up the ceiling.  _Did i kiss Steve Rogers?_ Tony was embarrassed. I mean, out of the all the people to kiss, all the beautiful women and slightly attractive men there and he  _chose_ Steve Rogers? And even worse. _Steve Rogers was repulsed._ Tony felt a slight sting. He wasn't gay, and it wasn't intentional, but still. _I'm awesome!_ he thought.

The questions filled his hazy mind for another half an hour before he finally passed out. Hoping he wouldn't remember anything in the morning. One thing was for sure. His head was going to hurt when he woke up.


	3. Chapter 3

Things hadn't been the same since that night.

 

The kiss haunted Steve dreams most nights. The roughness of Tony's stubble scratching fiercely against his soft cheeks. The Burning taste of his poor choice in liquor, cold and unexpected on his lips. The clenching in his stomach when he felt Tony's lips, hot and heavy on his. Holding nothing back. The pressure that shot up through him hard and fast; His body burning with anxiety and distaste. His mind screaming with the knowledge that Tony Stark- his friend had just kissed him. The guilt that began tearing him apart from the moment it happened. Tony was drunk, yes. And Tony was his friend, and he enjoyed his company, but he was a MAN!

Steve slept restlessly. Tossing and Turning in his bed becoming more of a mess each time. Steve couldn't help shake the anger he felt towards Tony. How could he be so stupid? He never contemplates his actions, NEVER! Of course he would do something that idiotic and not understand the implications of it. It was selfish. _He_ was selfish.

He didn't like awkward situations with women, let alone _MEN!_ And not just any man. Tony Stark! The man who pushed his buttons, and made the blood boil frantically beneath his skin with his blatant disregard for others opinions.

Steve awoke from his restless night. His white cotton sheets hanging off the end of the bed, and his pillows placed oddly on the mattress. His whole body drenched and glistening in sweat. Cold hard, guilty SWEAT. His breathing was rapid leaving his chest moving to an uneven quick paced pattern. Up and down, down, down. Up and up again. His breaths were short and unsatisfying. His body had become its own personal sauna, with the sweat, and the weather and the... _guilt._ _I have to get up. It's so damn hot._

Steve stood, slouching over the sink in his personal bathroom. Bracing himself with both hands curled around the edge, looking into the mirror. His blonde hair, roughed up, dangling in an unflattering way over his forehead. His face, as white as powder and as sweaty as a marathon runner, who just pushed themselves and poured everything they had into the last 100 meters to the finish line. That was exactly how it felt. He was exhausted. Completely exhausted. His eyes, which were normally the most noticeable and favorable part of his perfectly structured face, were now prominent for all the wrong reasons.

His eyes were blood shot, and of course with blood shot eyes,a nice set of brown bags came to match, drooping endlessly underneath. He was a mess. He couldn't sleep properly. And it definitely showed. His mind was too busy reminding him that his face was fiercely attacked by Tony.

It was now Monday afternoon. He had locked himself in his room, hiding away from the embarrassment. His stomach was roaring uncontrollably. He had to come out sometime. This was _ridiculous._ Not only did he have to eat but the chance of Tony remembering was a million in one chance. _He was drunk!_ _He probably doesn't even remember!_

He wiped one eye, dragging his hand down his face roughly. His cheeks and lips drooping willingly and wobbling back into place.. He turned on the cold tap. The sound of the water trickling echoed off the walls. It was somewhat relaxing.

He cupped his hands and waited patiently as the water filled, then splashed it, lazily on his face. Water splashing out onto the mirror, and splatting on his shirt. He rubbed his face vigorously, letting the water soak into his skin. A tiny drizzle escaped, rolling down his chin, tingling as it left behind a cold, refreshingly wet trail. He grabbed the towel from the rack, and wiped his face, and removed the few drops that had ventured south. _It was time. He had to do this. I can do this. I can do this. Nothings different._ Walking out of the bathroom, he slipped into the first shirt he could find, and smoothed his hair down once, before venturing out of his room, towards the unknown.

The dining room was spacious and full of colourful splats of paint, in which people like to call Art. Steve had never really taken a fancy to them. Back in his day, art was art, and art was capturing and tormented... Or a monkey riding a bicycle, because that was pretty cool too, and he was really good at it too. Considering Tony paid some obscure amount for three splatters of the same colour paint, just different shades.

Bruce sat away from the rest of the avengers who too were sitting domestically around the polished pine wood table. His glasses just balancing off the tip of his nose. He was completely enthralled in the newspaper article it would seem.

 _Natasha, ah yes. Thank god._ Steve had missed her sarcastic remarks the last day and a half. Sitting a seat away from Bruce, sipping at her steaming Coffee. _Coffee._   _T_ _hat sounds really good right about now._ He hadn't realised he was staring into space until he felt a brush against his all too sensitive, tired body- And a breeze of air as they whooshed past him, almost leaping onto the kettle. I think if they could have kissed it without being weird, they more than likely would have. Steve had become all to aware of his surroundings. Tony was here. Okay. crap. The feeling of his boiling anxiety hit him like a truck.

Making his cup of coffee, he seemed almost oblivious to the world around him. His sole focus on feeding his stomach.

_Okay. Normal. Normal Tony. That's a good sign._

Tony finished pouring his coffee, and moved to the bench to begin stealing the left over eggs they had made. Steve was still standing just inside the door, eyes wide and body stiff. His mind a boggling mess of confusion, anger, guilt and pointless words. Tony stopped dead in his path, staring intensely at the plate on the bench. _What is he doing?_ _Probably can't remember where anything is. Sounds about right_. And in that moment, when Steve was staring at Tony, Tony snapped out of it, and looked up, bright eyed and serious at Steve who was watching him, all too closely.

A croaky vibration escaped his lips, as he stood frozen and embarrassed, looking into the eyes of the man, who two days ago had just kissed him.

Steve couldn't help the look of horror that washed over his face. Breaking the eye contact immediately, he raced to pull out a chair and sit down, ignoring the fact his odd moment had been handled in the least subtle way possible. His chair screeched across the tiles. Why is this so loud. _No. Stop_! Steve stopped it half way and decided to squeeze into the space he had created, not wanting to make anymore noise and draw anymore unwanted attention to himself than he already had.

Across the table, Natasha stared curiously. She had her _What's the hell's wrong, rogers- tell me or ill beat it out of you-l_ ook on her face. Steve stared down, making sure he couldn't see her disapproving looks.

Tony's voice broke the silence like a pick breaking through thick layers of ice. Brutal and harsh.

"Told you he was crazy."

Steve snapped his head to see Tony sitting next to him. Shit!

"What?" Steve's voice was croaky.

"I'm kidding" he said letting loose his all play, award winning, white teethed grin.

He stared, dumbfounded, almost murderously at Tony, who leaned away slowly when he realised something was up, and he could turn into the mans punching bag in any second.

"O-K" Tony said, standing back up, taking his breakfast with him to sit by Natasha.

 _Way to play it cool. He doesn't know! He doesn't remember. You're being a fool._  Tony scraped his plate and walked back over to the table, leaning closely over Natasha.

"So are we doing this or what, you two?" Giving an all to oblivious Bruce a quick glance.

"uh. Yeah. Of course." Natasha said quietly, looking in her peripheral vision at poor Steve, who was all to obviously having some form of argument with himself. Considering he looked like he was about to explode any second.

"Well..." Tony said in his excited, and impatient boy voice.

"Yeah. Ah, Bruce." She said, turning her attention to Bruce.

"Bruce" She repeated, raising her voice slightly.

Bruce finally came around, calmly looking up from his paper.

"Hmm" He said looking at them blankly.

"The thing..." Natasha said.

"Oh. Oh! Right, yes!" Bruce stuttered.

They looked at each other for a moment. Bruce was grinning awkwardly, nodding his head for no apparent reason.

"Oh! Now?"

They nodded.

"Okay, right. Lets go." He said, hurrying to his feet, collecting his news paper, and shoving it under his arm, making sure he grabbed his coffee too.

Steve heard the echoing foot steps become softer and softer each moment, followed by a loud thump. Tony had come back into the room to grab his phone. Steve hadn't noticed his presence, once again.

"Sorry about the another night. Don't take it personally. I'm a loving guy." He said, all too normally.

Steve stood up staring at Tony in complete shock. _He remembers!_  Where's my apology _then you son of a--_

"See ya, Cap." his words interrupted his thoughts.

He couldn't stay there. Not in Tony Stark house, with all reminders of that _idiot_.

He rushed to the bathroom and scrubbed his teeth, giving a quick rinse and then ran out the door, forgetting everything but his wallet. Steve found himself wandering. Just wandering, no where in particular, until he found himself standing with his hands in his jacket pocket, contemplating whether it would be practical to get some food now or wait. He had money, but he also had food at home. Home. _Tony's_ home. The place of the _idiot._ The millionaire, philanthropist playboy with an ego to big for his body and no regard for anyone but himself.

The diner was petite, and elegant. Strictly wood and basic metals. A dark blue tin roof, with vines sprawling over the buildings body. Suffocating it, in a way that was quite tragic, yet, here, now, it looked right. There were 5 or 6 iron tables, all carved intricately with swirls and curves every inch or so. They were worn from weather, but none the less, made it more authentic. It fit. It was old, and worn, but it worked. _Old_ didn't necessarily mean bad. Steve knew that. He quite liked it. It was different from the cafe's he usually saw, swamped by cheap views and roaring sirens. It was close, but secluded. And just what he needed right now.

The inside smelt of wood and delicious foods, as he stepped inside, letting the aromas invade his sense of smell.

Inside 9 more tables, carved from wood were set with white doilies, and a small, clear vase with a bunch of blue flowers, just like the ones he'd seen in the offset garden upon discovering the small nestled cafe- The reason he'd come across it. Behind the wooden bench top, only 4 meters long, a women stood. Her hair was pulled back, tidily. Steve didn't look to see the rest of her. He couldn't think about women right now. Her voice was soft, and reassuring.

"What can i get for you, sir?" She said politely.

Steve half expected her to weep with joy when she realised it was him. However, she didn't even do a double take. She stared, waiting for him to order. He was taken back to say the least. His lips turned upwards at the side, stifling a smile.

"Can i just get." He hadn't realised he didn't even know what they sold.

"Sorry" he said apologetically, leaning over the bench to look at the wood carved menu board.

"Wow. It all sounds really good." He wasn't lying either.

The things on the menu had hit home. They were not exotic like he would have thought, or was used to now. They were traditional, and wholesome. Almost a meal he would have expected to have prepared from the mothers back in his day.

"I'll just have that one." He said pointing to the 4th item on the menu.

The girl swung to look where he was pointing. Smiling at his decision.

"Yeah, not a problem."

"Ah Thank you." He said, watching as she put her pen back into her apron, and trailed off into the back to the kitchen.

Steve took a seat outside in the fresh air. He normally wouldn't but the warmth of his wholesome meal took the sting from the chilly air. It provided a great view. I think this might be my favourite place. It definitely came close to it. The sun had began setting, leaving a sweeping sheet of apricot dancing across the sky. It was marvelous. He wouldn't have even known he'd been there for hours if the nice young girl hadn't come out and told him they needed to close. "Oh yes. Of course! Sorry." he said scrambling to his feet, and digging around in his pocket for his wallet.

"Oh no, it's okay. don't worry about it" she said, smiling at him. "It's on the house."

"No please. I want to." He insisted. "it was wonderful. It's been longer than i'd care to admit since i had a meal like that prepared for me. Thank you." He was completely content.

"Okay. Well, you take care." She said, before taking his empty plate, and wandering back inside.

The walk home was peaceful too. No one seemed to bother him today- Not that he normally would mind- but it was nice. Nice to have a normal day.

The city was still swarming with people as the natural light went down and the artificial ones took reign. There were no longer any families, laughing in the park, or people in the cafe's on their computers. These people were dressed, revealing their skin. Puffing rings of smoke, and laughing obnoxiously with their friends. The night life. 

The cold air was nipping at the back of Steve's neck, and ears, the wind swirling around softly, looping and finding it's way up into the leg of his pants, sending a cold shiver down his spine.

He arrived home not a moment to soon. The air had gotten to him. He cleared the growing fluid in his throat and swallowed, sniffling every second or so.

Walking through the house, he was bombarded by a room full of worried faces, sitting disapprovingly on the couches.

"Bout time!" Natasha Shouted.

Bruce put his hand on her shoulder. "You didn't think to take your phone or anything with you?" He said in his sooth voice.

"No." Steve could feel his relaxation disappearing.

"Well, you should of." Tony said in his rude tone. A hint of worry residing in his words, but hardly enough to seem important.

Steve looked at them in disbelief. Holding his hand up in defensive.

"Not now-" He said, dismissively.

"Not now..." Tony said, standing up and walking towards him.

The guilt and anger came flooding back as Tony entered into his personal space. 

"You didn't think to--"

"Stark, just don't." He said in his serious tone. _How dare you._

"Just don't" He mimicked, puffing out his chest becoming annoyed.

"Yeah. Just. _Don't"_ His accent had come out stronger than it normally did.

"Tony. He didn't mean to. It was i guess just a mistake-" he added trying to calm the situation

"Steve rogers doesn't make mistakes, Banner." he bit back, rudely. 

"I didn't take it. my fault. Sorry." He said, not wanting to have this fight, with the urge to push him and break his nose becoming a real possibility.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow." Steve added, pushing past Tony, not caring if they touched. He was too mad to dwell on that. _I'm a man not some kid. Lay off. If anyone needed to be babied, it was Stark._

He wasn't sure why he'd let himself get worked up over such a tiny thing. The lack of sleep and current situation weren't helping, I guess. He could feel his mind slowing, shutting down. _finally. I might actually get a decent night sleep._

He put down his book on his night stand, and covered himself, letting the darkness take him into what he was hoping to be a peaceful palace of dreams...

..or not.

 

"


End file.
